Sunday, May 13, 2012

Broken Hearted

This is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, are normally the ones you love the most. You wonder why they hurt you, all you did was love them. Then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were, an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them. And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and every day now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realise that people are mean. They said the most hurtful things which replay in your mind…over and over again.  You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you think of this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this...and you wonder…if sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way. Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know. Sometimes our vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears.

Chickens and Eggs

The greatest potential, I have discovered, is almost always overlooked. The troubled child grows up to be the respected leader, the gentle rainfall becomes the mightiest river and, more often than not, the tiniest acorn produces the grandest tree. In hindsight, final circumstances seem so obvious, so important and so very permanent. But how did we miss the beginning?

Its human nature, I suppose, to be mesmerized by the now and see the end as the only meaningful reality. It helps unclutter the mind and, for a brief moment, life is kept simple. But, ultimately, there is a tremendous cost.

Many of us will witness a quick glimpse, for better or worse, of our own future. Long-term relationships, parent/child dynamics and complicated family decisions will most likely be the areas of concern. Some, however, may feel this manifest in the areas of past life knowledge, dramatic romantic changes or the emotional significance of childhood events.

How did this all begin? What is the essential message of this experience? Where is all this going? It is important that we witness the cyclical nature of life's message. And, from a spiritual perspective, it is absolutely vital that we complete the circle.

And so, many of us will unearth a great personal insight and, begin to appreciate the unique relationship between beginnings and endings. The world, or the end result, will soon change and the meaning of those changes, or the original intentions, will first be witnessed on an individual level. People will feel it before the world will see it.

And given the true nature of “chickens and eggs” those changing circumstances may be far more complicated and painful than anticipated. It's important, however, to remember the original intention of creation. Refuse to mistake discomfort for completion.

Encouragement

If life were entirely devoid of hope, joy and justice, all of us would soon lose heart. We keep on going because we know that this is not the case. We are just as encouraged by the ups as we are disappointed by the downs. Indeed, though we generally prefer to avoid keeping a running tally, we are inclined to suspect that the good things outnumber the bad, quite possibly by a considerable margin. On what is your optimism based? Blind faith? Or wise experience? Trust what inspires you the most.